As a kid, my optimism was turn on high.
Could I swim from one end of the pool to the other? - Watch me.
Would I try out for cheerleading and make it? - We’ll see.
Write my first ‘real’ story at nine, and a good one at that? - Yup.
But somewhere along the way, optimism and childhood collided. Those two became at odds the more I tried to remain optimistic.
Childhood faded into teenage years, then adulthood, and boom
I think I remember the first instance of when self-doubt crept in my brain, swam around like a blood sucking piranha, and began to eat away.
Between preteen and teenage years, I was ridiculously into modeling. I belonged to a talent agency (that got me no work. NEVER pay a talent/lit/whatever agency a dime!)
I would go on auditions, or go-see’s as Tyra Banks put it. I was even invited on the Tyra Banks show, flown to NYC, got a makeover, the whole nine yards, but again, this is a story for another day.)
The auditions I would go on were always in mass. Other kid models vying against more kid models, in the hope of getting a modeling contract, or being in one of those Got Milk ads.
I remember walking up to the row of judges, doing the poses they asked for, and their stares.
Now, at 31, I understand that was part of their job. But when you’re 10, 11, 12 and someone is looking at you as if you’re a hopeless lost cause, you might just start to think you’re a hopeless lost cause.
This is when self-doubt first started to trickle in. Soon, whenever I received criticism, thought someone was staring at me, thought someone was talking about me, heard a no one too many times, my optimism for forever changed.
Only, it wasn’t.
What I realize is that over time, I may have received no’s, but I never let those no’s stop me.
Could I live in a foreign country for 4 years- I absolutely did.
Could I get into one of the top grad schools in the country- Look at my MFA.
Could I find an AMAZINNNGGG agent to root and represent my work? - YESSS!
With the no’s is when I would dig into the optimism of my childhood, pull forth awesome kid Brittany, and keep going.
And going, and going, and going….
I think my fight to try to remain positive, when self-doubt wants to battle, is rooted in my foundation, my upbringing, and the words my grandmother constantly told me.
“It’s all going to turn out alright.”
“You have to keep faith.”
“Don’t worry so much.”
Her cool head has also taken root in my brain, swam towards those piranha’s and told them to
So, when her words take hold, I also say to myself, well at this moment this is a no, but how else can I make this situation work?
So, in the future, when self-doubt starts to creep in, and self-sabotage finds its way to you, I want you to think, write down, say out loud, how can I make this situation work?
There will be no’s. There will be rejection. But, there is always a way. And sometimes, it might not look how you initially thought.
I no longer want to model, no longer want to act, but I found my passion in writing kid lit.
This profession is NOT easy, but I am learning, growing, and achieving along the way- and yes, remaining optimistic.